the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
