It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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