you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
