Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
