So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
now i know why i became what i already was.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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