I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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