Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
