btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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