I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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