so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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