i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
