I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
