wake up i wanna do it froggy style
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
