I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
