Can Purell be used as lube?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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