I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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