How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
