I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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