I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
