those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
