from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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