I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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