Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
