my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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