Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
