I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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