my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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