my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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