Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He better not be in your backpack
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
