I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
