My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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