Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
