Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
