So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
