I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
