I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
