we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't turn off my feet"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
