My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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