you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ok first of all what the fuck
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
