is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
