I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
