he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
