omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize