I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
