i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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