You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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