I CAN MOONWALK!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize