i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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