It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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