no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
where are my eyebrows?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
