You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
