I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
