So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
