Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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