i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
