It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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