i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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