so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize