The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
