It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
