He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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