I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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