Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
