so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
