My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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